Prior to breaking my wrist in the most ignoble way possible this summer, I had been studying for the Maryland Bar. I figured, since I've actually managed to live in one state longer then two years...it's time to get crack-a-lackin' on that employment stuff I've been hearing so much about. I joke. And really, you wouldn't understand it unless I added this: I am licensed in two other states already but cannot receive a waiver into this state because I never practiced in my jurisdictions long enough to receive reciprocity from any other jurisdiction. (Minimum five years.) Hence the reason for studying and sitting for these blasted things over and over and over again EACH time I am forced to move. I digress. In EVERY application for ANY bar exam, there is always a section requiring someone who has known you for a minimum number of years to vouch for your character, so long as they are lunatic enough to do so. Soooo, the requisite forms from the office of the bar examiners went out to those people whom I listed as my "references", swoosh, and lo and behold, they all received them.
As my friends begin receiving these requests to fill out these lengthy and obnoxious bar forms, they are simultaneously firing off emails to me to let me know that they've been tapped for duty by the "man". Unfortunately for them, Maryland still requires my friends to fill these forms out despite my having already deferred my application. (Poor them). Today I received this email from one of my references which stated in pertinent part the following:
References are:
$25 per question
$50 per adjective
$75 per three syllable adjective
$100 per signature (could probably be sold for more).
I thought it was super funny, until I read his next email..the one he claimed contained the "meat and potatoes" of his character assessment of me and which supposedly was sent on directly:
It is my pleasure to enthusiastically recommend ******* * ******** to the Bar of Maryland. I have known her for about five years as a neighbor and friend. To the best of my knowledge ******* has never been convicted of being an ax murderer or child molester (but, as you are well aware, sometimes these people are just never caught!). Her...children show no visible signs of hot irons or foot indentations (although long sleeves and pants can hide such marks). I have never seen her streaking down Main Street (although she is a pretty fast runner). I have never seen her playing with lighter fluid or matches (although the neighborhood arson problem did disappear just when she moved away). And finally, she appeared to get along very well with her fourth husband before he mysteriously disappeared. If I can be of any further assistance, please let me know.
I love my friends.
