Da Iddy Biddy Pyder

With my first child I was the Martha Stewart of mothers. I proved to myself and anyone attempting to scrutinize my parenting that I could teach my kid anything. I had all the time in the world to do it and my first child bore the chevrons of achievement for all that effort. Today, as I review my parenting skills for the fiftieth time - because once is just never enough - I am faced with the reality that my youngest has no idea what a lullaby or nursery rhyme even sounds like. And this is truly my doing because by the time he came around, I was getting BUSIER (having 2 others before him) and life, naturally, had picked up speed as well. And when I am frazzled, I listen to tunes to settle myself. Unfortunately my musical repertoire consists of mainly 80's stuff, pop, swing jazz (not too bad for him) - you get the picture. And this is essentially what he is exposed to on a daily basis because if I have to listen to another Barney/Raffi/Wiggles tune, I'm gonna hurl myself off the next bridge I see.

When my family celebrated my Dad's 70th recently, all the (grand)kids got together to sing him a song. As the Itsy Bitsy Spider came into key, or as my son now calls it, "da iddy biddy pyder", he began looking around the room with this fixed exasperated expression that could only mean "WTF?" He didn't know it. And when he stomped his foot and screamed at the other kids to "QUIET!" - he meant it, because damnit who were they to change up the program with these bastard kiddie songs. He wanted Lovehammers. He wanted to sing "Trees". And when everyone continued in their best rendition of Iddy Biddy Pyder without him, he launched himself across the room and began rolling and screaming on the floor until there was complete silence in the room - as he had originally demanded. I like that he's tenacious.

And when he was satisfied that everyone understood the rules, he put his fingers in his ears and belted out: "I. Don't want to go through this life. Without you. By my side. I, I, I, I, I got it all worked out. In my head. It's how it's got to be. It'll be you. and me. Up in a tree."........and while the rest of the room smiled uncomfortably about his choice of serenade, I found it immeasurably sweet - because this is the mother I have become and screw nursery rhymes - they just don't sound as good as the Lovehammers songs do when the tiny little guy belts them out. And last time I checked, mothers weren't getting the accolades anyway for all their hard work - it's time we get some entertainment value out of these times with our kids.