Cat, it's what's for dinner.

I am soliciting information on how to drum out the furriest member of the family without the kids actually knowing. I'm thinking something not too cruel or inhumane for the animal, just a fast, painless death because if I walk into my living room again and step in a hocking good time, I'm going postal.

When I adopted this animal over 15 years ago, I had every intention of loving it until God borrowed him back. Apparently, God understood the unilateral benefit of not having an animal like this around the great Pearly Gates. I firmly believe this particular animal would drive even the most ardent bunny hugger to morph into a sadistic, animal hating maniac. Like me.

After having kids, owning a pet is much the expression "tits on a bull" - what exactly is the point once the two legged beasts enter your life? The animal is fed and is kept indoors and presumably enjoys his time here as he seems to always be so "relaxed" in the abode. He only sleeps about 20 hours a day. But in the time he is actually awake and making his presence known, he adeptly regurgitates a half a body of fur that somehow managed to creep down his esophagus while he was passionately sleeping off the other four waking hours of his little day. Hey, it's rough being a cat. I understand this. Who else in the world couldn't tolerate free lodging and food, a clean crapper and endless crevices and cracks to curl up in to get that needed shut eye.

To say that I have fallen out of love with this cat is truly an understatement. I hardly notice him anymore. And if he didn't try to topple me by swishing through my feet while walking with a child in my hand, I probably would forget he was even in the house and never feed him.

But today. Oh, ho ho. Today, I have had my fill of this little bastard and he must go. Immediately. Nothing illegal or morally reprehensible as I need a good report card for Judgment Day. So, I invite and welcome your suggestions and addresses for that matter, because this little feller is in dire need of a change of scenery and another home might just be the ticket - otherwise, to the sausage factory he goes. Oh! And no need to worry about the age of little kitty and a premature demise, should you choose to adopt him. He is most assuredly on the do not die program and is destined to out live all of us.