Snakes in the head.

I am having one of those snakes in the head days where I just want to trounce on the next ignoramus who blazes past me as I struggle to hold a door open with my foot while ushering three little ones into a building all the while juggling tons of useless crap in my hands (strike that), hand - the other one is still out of commission. Oh! And the thing that chaps my ass the most? It's usually some slovenly jerk who has to turn sideways just to get past me and my little guys....! (Think Capt. Kirk here.) Must. control. head. from. spinning. off. it's. axis. Must. not. pretend. to. have. tourettes. and. blurt. out. what. I. really. want. to. say.


And of course, I have about zero impulse control when it comes to jackasses, so now I don't hesitate. I let the snakes in my head take over and I start hissing "say thank you! say thank you!" to the back of said ignoramus. Most of the time they are so caught up in their own importance that they're oblivious even to my overt verbal assault. At which point my kids turn to me, as if on cue, and say, "Mommy! That fat guy didn't say thank you!" And I just beam from ear to ear because not only are they starting to recognize good manners, they are becoming my little posse. Yes, that's right, even my two year old has my back!

And when the verbal missiles actually reach the target and said ignoramus actually acknowledges the fact that we all lost seven toes between us because of his "ill mannered" ways, I just grin sheepishly, shrug my shoulders and point to the youngest and say "tourettes". And that seems to settle things up between us.